


Don't Ever Change : Destiel AU

by Busty Asian Beauty (Stotropama)



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, F/M, Homophobic Language, Kansas City, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, My First Destiel Fanfic, OTP Feels, destiel au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1452586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stotropama/pseuds/Busty%20Asian%20Beauty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most of the Destiel fanfics I read Dean goes gay for Castiel only after he is drunk. That is not what I want for my OTP. I have faith in their love and believe they do not require any other element to help them act on their feelings.<br/>So in this Dean is gay for Castiel even when he is sober.They are just two passionate strangers who rescue each other from a lifetime of cares. When everything goes wrong, Castiel's blue eyes are Dean's clear sky of hope and Dean's green eyes are Castiel's pastoral escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take your pick

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of these character.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean meets Castiel, in most unusual circumstances.

'Damn it Sam, I don't need it' that is what Dean, said from the beginning, 'everything is under control'.

His little brother Sam never used to say much. Between the puppy dog eyes and bitch faces, he was always successful in making Dean listen to him.

So Dean went to rehab, spent a fortnight there, came back and attended all AA meetings ~~(even though he primarily considered it 'gay')~~ and now he is two years clean on ready be a sponsor in AA.

Dean lost his teaching job during that time but he is now working at Bobby's garage. He always had a way with cars and he enjoys his job. Sam is in Stanford. Though Dean misses him, he is happy for Sam. More now that Sam has met Jessica and Dean approves. Jessica reminds Dean of their mom. Not that Sam would remember her.

These are the thoughts that were spinning in Dean Winchester's mind while he was driving to today's AA meeting. He parked his car, his baby '67 Impala. He felt proud of himself. Today he was in position to help someone with the same problems that troubled him. Today he will be a sponsor. Dean rubbed his thumb on the 2 year clean chip in his pocket. Today he held is head high, today he had a skip in his walk.

* * *

 

 

Dean walked in the room, casually and made his way to the coffee table. Becky was obviously there, over-caffeinated as usual. Someone should check this girl in for caffeine overdose.

'Hi Dean, How is Sam' Becky continued without stopping for a reply, ‘his relationship status changed to "in relationship", with whom exactly?'

Becky always had this huge crush on Sam. Dean didn't like her.

He said, ‘Back off girl! If you want to stalk my brother go ahead. Don't make me a party to it.' Dean already had his cup of coffee in hand so he turned to the doughnut tray and froze.

There was this man with blue squinty eyes and sex hair. He had this worried look on his face. Dean understood he is trying to decide which doughnut to take, as if his life depended on it. Dean somehow found this extremely adorable.

“Take your pick.” Dean said.

The guy turned his head and looked straight into dean’s eyes. Dean felt as if the guy could see through his soul. The guy kept on staring but Dean’s eyes travelled to the guy’s lips. They were dry and chapped. Dean thought it would be helping if he licked the guy’s lips. His own lips felt dry, he licked them and swallowed the thought.

“I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.” said Dean.

“Hello Dean. I am Emmanuel Allen” said Emmanuel.

“Hi, Emmanuel, welcome to Simply AA”

“Thank you. You are sober for how long?”

“Two years proud”

“Do you have a sponsor?”

“Never needed one, I had my brother”

Emmanuel felt let down. He just simply walked away.

Dean was confused. Was Emmanuel trying to ask him to be his sponsor? Was he having some trouble? Was mentioning a supportive family put him off?

But Dean had no time. AA meeting has started.

Meg took the stand today.

Hi, my name is Meg Masters and I'm an  alcoholic. Let’s begin this meeting with a moment of silence, followed by the serenity prayer. At this time we ask that all cell phones please be turned to silent.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The meeting went on and Dean could not take his eyes of Emmanuel. Somehow Dean felt that he has let Emmanuel down. As the meeting ended, Dean watched Emmanuel get up and walk over to Meg. Dean was trying to figure out another chance to talk to Emmanuel when he saw Meg beckoning him. Emmanuel was still with her.

“I usually do not support someone who never had a sponsor to become a sponsor and you know that” Meg said, “but Castiel here personally asked for you”

“But…” Dean was baffled. He looked at Emmanuel and something in his eyes stopped Dean.

“I know you are two years clean and have made quite a progress, so I believe you are good as any. You two boy bands try and get along” Meg dismissed and walked away.

 

Dean watched Meg walk away, and then turned towards Emmanuel.

“What the hell?”Dean asked.

“My name is Castiel Novak; Emmanuel is my pen-name. I write.” Castiel said with a guilty smile.

“So you just meet someone and confuse them with your alias?”

“You have to understand Dean; I was nervous and did not want anybody to notice me. You did and I was bewildered. Sorry”

Dean Knows exactly what Castiel was talking about, Dean put on his empathetic smile and said, “Well, dry sorry does not cut it. You owe me a coffee where the topic of discussion would be Castiel Novak”

Castiel looked uncomfortable but agreed anyway. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

In the coffee shop, Dean found that same squinty-eyed worried look on Castiel’s face when it came to decide his coffee.

“Making a decision is not your strong suit, right?” Dean asked.

“Hmm…I guess” responded Castiel.

“How did you pin me down so easily?”

“You said take your pick. First time someone said that to me.” Castiel gave Dean that soul-searching look again. Dean could not break the eye contact this time. Dean leaned in and said, “Well it’s your choice, your freewill.”

Castiel smiled for the first time and Dean felt that the whole room lit up. Everything looked brighter only with smile. Castiel looked down in the menu and lift up his face with yet another victorious smile.

“I’ll Café Latte with extra cream” said Castiel, pleased with his new found ability.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Coffee arrived in due time, Dean and Castiel was deep in conversation.

“How many siblings did you say you have?” asked Dean animatedly.

“Six…” whispered Castiel.

“Your old man sure was busy. So where is the rest of your family?”

“New Haven, Not as far away as I would like them to be”

“So what’s the deal with them?”

“I’m the youngest. I belong to one of those families where nothing unexpected ever happens. But once Lucifer rebelled, Father made him leave. After that, Father was never home so, he put Michel in charge. Gabriel, Zachariah and Raphael all followed the path set for them. Anna, my only sister was married of to Uriel Milton. Michael is the eldest and after leaving army, he is trying to get into politics.”

“Seems it is straight out of pages of Bible” sighed Dean.

“Well…If I’m boring you…anyway it is not of import.” Dean could not help but smile at Castiel being all flustered. Dean leaned in and placed his hand on Castiel’s hand on the table. Castiel calmed down and looked straight into Dean’s eyes.

“I want to hear everything, every stupid detail.”

“…but I was more like my mother, Gaia.” Castiel begin without a preface. Michel said I was too spirited. Raphael and Zachariah always would reprimand me. Only Gabriel and Anna used to make me feel normal. But when they left home I was…” Castiel stopped and sighed. Dean patted Castiel’s hand, which he was still holding. “I was not satisfied working in our firm and then when my gay thing came out…”

“What?” Dean exclaimed. Castiel instantly withdrew his hand.

“Sorry Ishouldhavetoldyoubefore” Castiel said hurriedly and before Dean could say or do anything, Castiel was up and on his way out. Dean gathered himself after a moment of perplex and run out after Castiel.

 

Castiel was walking down the street with his trench coat on. Why the hell was this guy wearing a trench coat? Dean ran after him.

“Cass we got to talk” shouted Dean.

“Dean I said I’m sorry” Cass kept walking.

“Cass man listen to me, I don’t care okay. I don’t care whom you bang. I mean hell I am not in no position to judge. I’ve done it all. Just stop.”

“I…I…” Cass took a deep breath “I was nice meeting you Dean Winchester.” Cass put out his hand and Dean took it. Cass’s hands were soft yet the grip was strong. Dean looked up to see Cass’s lips quiver. It took all of Dean’s reticence to resist his desire to kiss them. Dean just closed in the distance between them and hugged Castiel.

 

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **In Greek mythology, Gaia was the personification of the Earth, one of the Greek primordial deities.


	2. It's My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean has a chick-flick moment with Castiel, but finally, fails to get the long awaited date with Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not claim copyright over Bon Jovi's songs. I'm just a fan.

It has been about two weeks since Dean first met Castiel and nothing has been the same. Dean was having the best time of his life. Dean feels like he is spending every waking minute with Castiel. Both on phone and face to face, Dean feels like updating Castiel with every details of his life and in return hearing every silly little thing Castiel has to say. Even Bobby noticed it.

“What’s up with you, boy? You go around like Little Miss Sunshine.” Bobby asked.

“Nothing” said Dean, trying to keep his face neutral.

“Balls! I was born at night, but not last night son! This ain’t nothing. So you better start talking”

Dean looked at Bobby trying to figure out his motive, does he already know something? Bobby is an old family friend. He is the boys godfather and pretty much their go-to guy since…well since forever. He was far better to the boys than their own deadbeat Dad. Dean can always confide in Bobby…Hell he always have. So he decided to talk, as if he had a choice.

“It’s a guy” mumbled Dean.

“So what?” Bobby exclaimed “You are here you are queer, I’ll live”

“No Bobby, it’s not like that. Not yet at least.”

“What’s stopping you Idjit? Nothing used to as I remember.”

“I can’t. I’m bloody responsible for this guy”

“…”

“I am his sponsor in AA. I can not date a sponsor. It’s a big no-no with these people. At least, not now.”

“Well, that’s just balls! So what’s his name?”

“His name is Castiel. He used to work at some big ass family law firm. But he now left that life and is working in the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. He hopes to open his own local cake shop one day. He is stays over at the Orchard Corners Apartments. He…”

“Oh ho…hold your horses. I did not ask for a whole works. So when do I get to meet him?”

“After next Monday, that’s going to be our second AA meeting together.”

Someone was listening to them talk. Someone who knew this information was of value. Someone- who after hearing everything, left silently.

 

* * *

 

 

Today is Sunday. They met at Mirth Café as usual and talked. Dean asked Castiel out for dinner tomorrow night after the AA meeting. Dean did not forget to mention that it is not a date, just two casual friends hanging out. Dean planned to take Castiel to Perkins; they serve the best pies ever. Dean was happily chatting away when he noticed Castiel was a bit distracted. Dean stopped talking. Castiel looked up, straight into Dean’s eyes. Damn that soul searching look again! Then he tilted his head and squinted his eyes: as if he was trying to find an answer to his unspoken question. Then he spoke.

“Why did you drink Dean?”

There was a moment of silence. Castiel never broke the eye contact and Dean could not escape the question. For all the AA meetings in last two years Dean could never face this question. Sam never needed this answered and nobody else bothered. He never had an AA sponsor. Somehow, Dean felt secured enough to talk about this now, especially to Castiel. Dean leaned back relaxed.

“Runs in the family I guess” Dean started, “Winchesters are not supposed to show their feelings. No chick flick moment. So when mom died, Dad married the bottle. I guess he could never forgive himself for not being able to save mom. My dad was a fire-fighter and our mom died in house fire. What are the odds right? Then Dad fell into drinking and became really abusive. Sam was a kid. I had to protect him right? Then he started seeing this nurse Kate. I think they had a son. So Dad as good as moved out. We were on our own. I just could not keep on pretending that everything was okay. When I could not push it down anymore, I swallowed it. I started drinking. I was teaching in elementary school back then. I lost my job. I picked up random jobs to support Sam’s education. Then Dad died of liver failure. Sam did not want the same thing to happen to me.” Dean’s voice stifled.

Dean can not remember when Cass moved to his side. He was holding Dean’s hand, caressing it. Silent tears poured down Dean’s cheeks. Castiel did not look at Dean, he was staring forward blankly. Dean was grateful for that. Dean does not know how long they stayed like that in the dark corner of Mirth Café.

* * *

 

 

Next day Dean woke up with a smile. He was excited about today. He knows he has been a good sponsor, too good for his own good. Despite his feeling for Cass he has been able to keep his pants on. Anyway today they’re going on a proper dinner, all aboveboard. Dean fumbled through his closet for his clothes and found his cleanest dirty shirt. (Sam's visit was long overdue) Still, he was making an effort.

He breezed through the rest of the day. Bobby raised an eyebrow when he heard Dean humming while working. Bobby called Dean an ‘Idjit’ under his breath. Dean took off early to go home and ‘freshen up’ before going to the meeting. He got into the car and turned on the radio. The radio was playing Bon Jovi’s ‘It’s My Life’. Dean frowned but said, “Bon Jovi rocks on occasion”

So he singed along,

This is for the ones who stood their ground

For Tommy and Gina who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake

Luck ain't even lucky

Got to make your own breaks

 

It's my life

And it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my life

 

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down.

* * *

 

 

When he arrived at Plymouth Congregational Church, Dean could not find Cass’s car anywhere in the parking. He hesitated for a moment and then sent a sms to Cass.

“Cass buddy where are you?”

“On my way” came a prompt reply.

Dean went inside, got himself coffee and doughnut and fended off Becky- the usual. But Cass did not arrive until the last moment. When Cass finally arrived, one look at him and Dean knew something was wrong. Cass had red puffy swollen eyes with black circles around them. Dean almost ran to him,

“What has happened Cass?” Dean asked earnestly. He was raking his mind to figure out what could have happened in one night that made Cass this devastated. Dean felt a sharp pang in his heart…Have Cass being drinking again?

“I haven’t been drinking.” Cass said answering Dean’s unasked question. He continued, “Michel called today. Apparently to check on me…”

Meg’s voice was heard on the microphone, the meeting has started. Dean turned from Meg to Cass.

“Do you wanna go outside; sit somewhere talk?” asked Dean.

Castiel vacillate for a moment then said, “No. Let’s get this over with first”

* * *

 

 

They walked together but sat separately. The meeting went on. As soon as it ended both Castiel and Dean made way towards each other but got held off by Meg Masters.

“Dean looks like you can not be trusted with a sponsorship yet. Don’t you know it’s unethical to sleep with the one you are sponsoring?” Meg said.

“What the hell Meg? Nothing happened between me and Cass.” Dean retorted.

“So its Cass now is it? Still in denial, are we? What about you ‘ _Cass_ ’? You are about truthful as it gets. Did you two do it?”

Castiel simply gave a stern refusal. Meg just let out a laugh.

“But I have reports. You two are meeting everyday in parks and cafes. Dean has even planned to take you to meet his family. Uncle Bobby, I mean” said Meg turning to Dean.

“How on earth did you know about it?” screeched Dean

“Well I have my minions. But what it boils down to is that you can not be Castiel’s sponsor anymore.” Then turning to Castiel she said, “I’m taking over.”

“THAT IS NEVER HAPPENING” roared Castiel and stormed out.

“You heard him” said Dean and walked away.

Just as he came out of the church, Dean saw Cass’s car dash. Almost simultaneously he received a text from Castiel.

“Give me sometime Dean. I need to think things through.”

-o-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter ended in a sad note but the next one is not going to be so. There would be some sexy Destiel for those who love it. Meg's part in all this will be revealed.  
> Please give comments and if possible point out the corrections.


	3. Help Me Make It Through the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean and Cass kiss.

Dean drove home. The day did not go according to plan but that was not what was bothering Dean. Cass was hurting, Dean could feel it, and however he could not do anything about it. This feeling, loss of control and helplessness drove Dean to drinking. He did not drink to tolerate his situation, he drank to forget them. He did not want to escape his reality; he just wanted to face them liberated. Drinking gave him that.

 

Dean shook his head. He knows now that’s not a solution. Drinking your pain always is not possible.

“Two year’s sober: Two year’s clean: Two year’s proud” Dean said to himself.

Dean took his phone out and speeddialed Sam’s number. Dean never had a sponsor. He had his brother whenever he had these urges. Now Sam is in Sanford and phone was the only way to reach Sam.

“Hey Dean, thank god you called. I was just about to. Where have you been all week? I was getting worried. Well, Jessica tells me to tell you that she has perfected the apple pie. So next time we come over you are getting a treat of homemade apple pie.”

“That’s just great Sam. Just great” Hearing Sam’s voice was making Dean feel good again.

“Dean hey…are you alright man? Have you been drinking?”

“No Sam I am not drinking. But I won’t mind a beer right about now”

“Dean listen man, I can come over. I mean…we are coming over. We will be there by tomorrow. Just hold on, for tonight. Will you Dean, please…”

“Listen Sam you do not have to come over. I am not drinking and I’m not going to. Anyway it’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Is it about the guy Bobby is been talking about. Castiel is it?”

“Damn it Sam. It seems my ship is the only one that leaks from the top. Bobby had to go and tell you all about it.”

“Well me and Bobby…we talk. So what about this guy? Did he…I don’t know…did you two hook up?”

“No Sam, but the whole world seem to think that and that’s bothering Cass.”

“Well Dean you can not blame yourself for that, which is exactly what you are doing. Stop feeling guilty for everything that people thinks.”

“It’s not just that. Cass opened up to me, we were build quiet a trusting sponsor relationship. He depended on me. I failed him, like I failed every goddamn soul who got around me.”

“Don’t go there Dean. Saving Mom was not your responsibility. You were six and you saved me. Dad was screwed six ways to Sunday. He was not your responsibility either.”

“But Cass is my responsibility. I screwed that up too.”

“If you feel that way, you should go talk to him. Get through to him whatever it takes.”

“Sam he may not even want to see me ever again”

“You don’t know that. Just make it happen Dean. I don’t know whom you are kidding Dean, I think you have fallen for this guy. Just go for it.”

* * *

 

 

Dean sat there perplexed for a few minutes after the call was over. Was he really falling for Castiel? Was he in love? Yes…May be. But he can not get through another minute of know that Cass is hurting and he is sitting here doing nothing. Dean took out his phone and it rang.

“Cass we need to talk.”

“Hello Dean. Yes we need to talk. Open your door”

“What the hell?” Dean still on the phone, “Are you here?” Dean opens the door.

Castiel is standing in the doorway, still on the phone. “Yes Dean I’m here”

“I can see that Cass”

“Okay Dean I’m gonna hang up now”

“Okay”.

 

* * *

 

 

Cass came in silently and sat down on the couch, with his eyes fixed on floor.

“Are you okay Cass?”

“No” said Cass looking at the floor.

“Do you wanna elaborate?”

“Dean, Meg can not be my sponsor.” said Castiel, still looking at the floor.

“I think you made that pretty clear yourself” mocked Dean.

“No Dean, you don’t understand. She is the reason that I started drinking. Heavily I mean”

It was Dean’s turn to be shocked. “Cass you gotta be kiddin’ me”

“I’m not ‘kidding’ you. Meg Masters was my fiancée.”

“Hmm…” said Dean. Cass looked up at Dean. Dean shrugged, “I guess I'm a little numb to the earth-shattering revelations at this point. I thought you are gay.”

“I’m. This marriage was arranged between our families: Novaks and Masters. I did not love her, if that’s what you are asking. She was in love with Lucifer anyway.”

“By the way, why would somebody name their son Lucifer?”

“Lucifer is an archangel Dean, before anything else.”

“Whatever. Well so what happened?”

“Meg could have broken the engagement as it is. She did not love me. I thought she was my friend, I known her all my life. I confided her about my sexual preference and she used it against me. She destroyed me.”

“How come she is an AA?”

“She has always been an addict, Lucifer too. They got along well. I guess after her break up with Lucifer, she tried to clean up her act.”

“So this is some kind of twisted revenge plot of hers?”

“May be…I won’t let her ruin me again. You are my sponsor. She will never be.”

Castiel got up and walked over to Dean, where he was leaning by the doorframe. Castiel closed in on Dean suddenly and placed a desperate hasty kiss on Dean’s lips. Before Dean could understand anything the kiss was in full effect. Castiel was ruling his mouth, not asking but demanding to enter. Dean just gave in. He was rendered powerless with desire. Dean tried to lick Castiel’s chapped lips but missed his chance. Castiel’s right hand was already pulling a tuff of his hair. With left hand Castiel was caressing his sides while he started kissing down Dean’s neck. Dean let out a moan. Cass hissed as he sucked on Dean’s earlobe.

It was so easy for Dean to give in, so easy. Haven’t he been fantasizing about this? Even last night Dean was thinking of hot messy sex with Cass while he was reliving himself. No, but he can’t give in…not like this. He does not want this to be a one time thing that Cass might regret in future. He has to do this right because he wants this to last. It took Dean all of himself to take control and hold Castiel back. Cass’s eyes were still closed and his lips quivered expectantly. Dean allowed himself one last indulgence. Dean licked Cass’s chapped lips. Castiel’s lips parted and sprout. Dean hemmed and Castiel opened his eyes immediately. Castiel searched Dean’s face while Dean tried to avoid Castiel’s gaze.

“Cass are you sure you want this…now?”

Cass kept staring and did not answer.

“I…I…mean…Cass I want you, make no mistake…but is it…I don’t want you to…you know, regret it later.” Dean stuttered. As Cass tried to move away from Dean, Dean got hold of Cass’s hands and drew him closer.

“I don’t want to let you go” Dean said, regaining his confidence.

“Well then, you have a strange way of showing that.” snapped Cass but he did not try to escape Dean’s arms that are now locked around his waist.

“I want to do it right. Not like this. Not just this once. For that we have to get you another sponsor first. One who is not this eager to get into your pants perhaps?”

Castiel blushed furiously as he protested saying, “But are you taking Meg’s side? We have already been accused of sleeping together; it does not matter now if we do it.”

“No Cass. I’m taking our side. Meg was right. Whether we hook up or not, I would never like to be the reason for your relapse”

“But Dean, just don’t send me back home. After last night’s debacle with Michel and today’s Meg incident I possibly can not get through tonight alone. Help me make it through the night.”

Dean drew Castiel closer and kissed his forehead, “I promise.”

-o-

 


	4. Here Comes the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlie Bradbury fangirls Castiel.

Next morning Dean woke up disoriented. He felt like something warm and snuggly has left his side. He ran his hand on the empty side of the bed. It was still warm, like there was someone else on the bed with him.

SOMEONE ELSE ON THE BED WITH HIM!!!

Now he really woke up. It took him sometime to figure this out. Cass was here last night beside him, on his bed. But they did not do it. After Cass calmed down a bit, they decided to spend the night in. They ordered in from Bigg's Barbeque and sat in the couch watching reruns of Doctor Sexy MD. Dean found out that Cass loves burgers as much as Dean.

After a few episodes and a couple of decafs both Dean and Cass was rather sleepy. Dean remembers guiding Cass to his own bedroom. Dean had every intension of sleeping in Sam’s room but when he put Cass to bed, plan changed. Cass pulled Dean to his side and cuddled unto him. Dean could not help himself to get up. They spent the night snuggling.

At this point Dean gave himself a smile of approval but soon it distorted to a frown at the thought that Cass has left. Dean quickly went out of the room. He checked the bathroom and then rushed towards the living room.

As he reached the living, Dean smelled something that filled him with the warmth he has been missing just then. He tiptoed into the kitchen to find Castiel dressed only in one of Dean’s sweatpants frying pancakes. Dean positioned himself behind Castiel and reached for the batter.

“DEAN WINCHESTER” Castiel said as he turned to face Dean, “If you want any of this breakfast you have to go and wash up first.”

Dean could feel himself going dizzy just by looking at Cass’s bare body so close to him. Dean closed in on Cass so that their lips would touch if they talked. He reached behind Cass and dipped his finger into the batter. Then he placed finger between their lips and kissed Cass. A small fluffy kiss.

“Okay Mom.” Dean said mock seriously, turned and walked away. Dean through the corner of his eye saw Cass press down the kitchen counter with one hand and touch his lips with another. Dean was grinning as he went into the bathroom.

* * *

 

 

“Cass are you trying to turn me on?” Dean said after a first few ogling bites of his breakfast. “Cause its working”

Dean came into the kitchen from the bathroom to see platter spongy pancakes with warm maple syrup and crisp fried bacon. Dean does not remember the last time that happened to him, in his own house.

Castiel blushed at the compliment. “Do you think I can do it professionally?” Castiel asked.

“Turning me on?” winked Dean, “sure. But it will cost me an arm and a leg”

“No… (Shut up Dean) I meant cooking”

“Well to answer that, I need more Cass-cooked meals you know? Why don’t you move in and cook me a few meals? I’ll be you your first taster”

“What did you just say?” whooped Cass.

“I’ll be you your first taster” said Dean plainly.

“No…before that”

“You have to cook me a few meals?” teased Dean.

“No…before that. Oh come on Dean” Cass pleaded.

Dean got up from his seat and got around to Cass and kneeled beside Cass’s chair.

“Move in with me Cass, I can not think of spending another night without you by my side. Cass I need you”

“Dean…Dean…” Cass could not go beyond that. Dean pulled him up as he stood up and folded him in a hug. Cass melted in Dean’s arms sobbing softly.

“But before we get to that we must find you a sponsor. I have found someone; I think you’re gonna like her. But it’s your call; would you like to meet her?”

“What is she like?” said Cass in a tear socked voice.

“She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted. But that is because she is so much like me that it scares me. You will love her.”

“Can we meet her today? Like for dinner?”

“What’s the rush? Can’t keep your hands off me?”

“Yes Dean, I can’t. If you are so worried about doing the right thing then let’s get on with it.”

“Okay. You are the boss.”

* * *

 

 

Dean forced Castiel and himself out of the apartment and to their respective jobs. Dean knew a day in with Cass will result in…well he is only Human. So Dean dropped Cass at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and promised to come pick him up. Then he went to Bobby’s garage, where Dean spent the whole day trying to avoid any contact with Bobby. This time Dean wanted to be the one to let Sam know everything.

After work Dean picked up Cass from the factory. Dean could understand that Cass was feeling apprehensive about meeting a new sponsor. Before coming back to Dean’s apartment, they drove by Cass’s place to pick up a few essentials. When they finally came to Dean’s apartment there was already somebody waiting at the door.

Cass was surprised to see so many colours on one girl all at once. She had her headphone on and was enjoying the music by dancing to it. Dean walked ahead and tapped on her shoulder. She took her headphone down and hugged Dean. Dean asked, “Hi Charlie, how is your new job working out for you?”

“I'm going to die. I should've taken that job at Google.”

 “Yeah, cry me a river. Here meet…”

“Hi I’m Charlie Bradbury, I’m a dyke. You are…”

“Emmanuel Allen” said Dean and start to laughing. But Charlie did not laugh, she kept a startled stare fixed on Castiel and did not even let go of Castiel’s hand she was shaking.

“You are the Emmanuel Allen, really? I am a fan.”

* * *

 

 

After that it was two hours of Charlie fangirling over Castiel and Dean did not even get a chance to tell Charlie Castiel’s real name. What Dean make of Charlie’s vocal diarrhea that Castiel is some kind of internet celebrity. He writes a series about a righteous man and an angel working together saving the world, stopping the apocalypses and stuff. The righteous man is named Jensen and the angel is called Misha.

“Misha? Jensen? What's up with the names around here?” was the only sentence Dean could utter within last two hours and meet Charlie's burning stare. That was it; Dean got up and went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Dean was wondering why Cass didn’t tell him about all this in last two weeks. May be Castiel thought a car mechanic won’t be able to understand literature or something like that. Just then Castiel came and hugged Dean from behind.

“I know what you are thinking,” said Castiel. Dean protested but Castiel continued, “Can we please talk about it later, please?”

 Dean smiled in spite of himself. “Okay. But Misha…really.” Castiel smiled and closed in and kissed Dean. They went into the living room together.

“Sorry Dean. I am a wee bit obsessive, if by a wee bit you mean completely.” Charlie said nervously. Dean patted her shoulder and said, “Its okay. But can we get down to business now?”

“Yes Dean.  Ask Emmanuel if he does not mind me as a sponsor. Mind you that means providing spoiler from time to time.”

Dean coughed but Castiel was the first to respond, “Actually Charlie, my real name is Castiel Novak. Emmanuel Allen is just a pseudo. And I would very much like you to be my sponsor. In return I’ll let you read my first drafts.”

* * *

 

 

After dinner and a lot more animated Charlie-time, Castiel and Dean was at last left to themselves. Dean took the first opportunity to raise the issue.

“So what’s up with Emmanuel Allen and all that?” Dean said after putting the last washed and wiped dish back in the rack. “And when you were going to tell me?”

“Dean I could not just tell you that I write a series and get done with it. I had to tell you the truth behind it.” Said Castiel, while pouring coffee into two cups. He took the coffee cups and walked towards the living room, Dean followed. “Dean I write those pieces as they come to me in form of dreams, more like nightmares. I never told anybody about this, I wanted you to be the first to know. I was looking for the right time.” Said Castiel as they settled on the couch.

“This is about the right time as it gets, so come on tell me.”

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update. Season 9 is killing me. Can not see Dean in so much pain anymore. He has not done anything wrong. I miss his smile.  
> Hope to get comments. :)


	5. Life's a long song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Castiel confesses that Dean is the man of his dreams.

 

Inside a warehouse around nighttime, Jensen and Jim are seated on tables, swinging their legs and looking bored.

Jensen asks, “You sure you did the ritual right?”Jim gives him a stern look and Jensen smiles, “Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?”

As if on cue, a loud rattling shakes the roof. Jensen and Jim arm themselves with shotguns and take positions at the far end of the warehouse.

Jensen chuckles, “Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind.”

The door bursts open and a man with dark hair and blue eyes in a business suit and trench coat stalks in. It is Misha. The light bulbs above his head shatter in a shower of sparks as he passes them. As he approaches, Jensen and Jim both open fire, but the shots do not even slow him down. Jensen takes the demon knife as Misha gets close.

Jensen asks, “Who are you?”

Misha answers in a severe voice, “I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

Jensen sneers, “Yeah. Thanks for that.”

Jensen rears back and plunges the demon knife into Misha's chest. Misha looks down, unconcerned, and pulls it out, drops it to the floor. Behind him, Jim attacks; without looking, Misha grabs Jim's weapon and uses it to swing him around. Misha touches Jim on the forehead with fingertips and Jim crumples to the ground.

Misha then announces, looking at Jensen, “We need to talk, Jensen. Alone.”

 

Jensen crouches over Jim, checking his pulse. He glares at Misha.

Misha responds, “Your friend's alive.”

Jensen shouts, “Who are you?”

“Misha.”

“Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?”

“I'm an Angel of the Lord.”

“Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.”

“This is your problem, Jensen. You have no faith.”

Lightning flashes, and on Misha's back great shadowy wings appear, stretching off into the distance. The light goes out and the image disappears.

Jensen sneers, “Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes”.

Misha responds, “I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.”

“You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking?” Jensen asks and Misha nods. “Buddy, next time, lower the volume.”

“That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.”

“And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?”

“This? This is... a vessel.”

“You're possessing some poor bastard?”

“He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.”

“Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?”

Misha frowned, “I told you.”

“Right and why would an angel rescue me from Hell?”

“Good things do happen, Jensen.”

“Not in my experience.”

Misha crowds Jensen’s personal space and looks into taller man’s eyes and says, “What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?”

“Why'd you do it?” said Jensen, looking uncomfortable.

“Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.”

* * *

 

 

“Hmm…that was kinda hot” said Dean relaxing more into the couch. “That Jensen guy is a butch though.” A mischievous smile sneaked up Castiel’s lips.

“You think so?” asked Castiel, withholding his smile. “Jensen in a way…I don’t know…reminds me of you.” Castiel breaks into laughter as he sees Dean’s expression. “Like short dirty blond hair and bow leg…” Castiel could see Dean moving in on him. “And a pair of mysterious eyes that are green and gray and brown and yellow, all at the same time.” Dean smirks and crowds Castiel’s personal space to plant a kiss on him. After a few breathless moments and sloppy hungry kisses they settled down again (closer together now) and resume their conversation.

“So this was your dream? How old were you then?” Dean asks.

“This was the first dream of this kind that I had.” Cass replied. “I exactly do not remember when it started: Sometimes between, my mother’s death and my thirteenth birthday. I had this dream for a long time. Almost every night I’ll meet this guy in my dream and he will stab me.”

“Enough symbolism to tell you that you are gay.” said Dean.

“I guess. Disturbed that I was with everything in my life, this dream kept me going. Every night I would get to meet the man of my dreams. It was finally Chuck Shurley my blogger friend from high school who suggested I should write a story around this dream. Within a few weeks I published my first story “Lazarus Rising” in my blog under the name Emmanuel Allen. It was a kind of hit. But the strangest thing was after I published my story I started seeing more of these dreams in sequence. So I made this into a series.”

“Wow! Cass you kinky son of a bitch! So, an angel and a human in a homoerotic relation. All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.” declared Dean, looking at Castiel.

“Well Jensen and Misha is technically not a couple, at least not in the canon. But in my mind they are.” stated Castiel. “And when I saw you for the first time…”

“Yes, go on.” encouraged Dean. This was the part he has been waiting for.

“Seeing you, standing there was like a déjà vu. You felt like Jensen, you looked like Jensen, the eyes, the smirk, the nod…” Castiel’s voice grew smaller as he spoke, until Dean was not sure if Castiel meant for him to hear the rest of it.

So Dean hemmed and said, “So you gave me your pen name just to check if I could recognize.”

“Yes” said Castiel in the same low voice.

Dean cupped Castiel's face in his hands and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Castiel looked up and looked into Dean’s eyes. Castiel could see Dean was not making fun of him. In fact that kiss was actually reassuring. Dean did not think of Castiel as a freak even when he almost admitted of being in love with Dean at first sight. But then also Castiel felt odd, he felt that things were moving to fast. They know each other for just two weeks now and they are planning on moving in. Dean must have read the discomfort in Castiel’s face.

“Cass…” Dean started.

“Dean can I say something?” Castiel interrupted.

“Go on.” Dean said.

“Do you think moving in is a good idea right now?” Castiel did not wait for his answer. “I’m comfortable here, that is not it. I think we are moving too fast”

Dean was taken aback. He let go of Castiel’s face. But Castiel caught his hands midway and squeezed them a little.

“I am not breaking up or anything. I’m a recovering alcoholic and a live in relationship is just too much pressure. I like you but I do not want to rush things. Dean.”

Dean was already off the couch pacing up and down the room. Outside it was almost dawn.

“Dean please try and understand what I’m trying to say. Let’s not just want each other because we need each other, we should rather need one another because we want one another” Castiel pleads.

“Did you really think that sentence was gonna clear things up?”

“Dean please calm down…” Castiel muttered while placing his right hand on his mouth.

“Dammit Cass!” snarled Dean, “From where I stand I can see that we are having our first official fight before our first official sex. So, yeah may be you are right. But I thought you wanted this. Hell I thought we wanted it. I don't get what changed…”

“I cannot talked to you when you are like this… may be I should just leave.” Castiel got up and started walk towards the door. Dean cut him off.

“Listen Cass, I am sorry. Just listen. I did not mean to shout. Cass.” Dean said but Castiel was still looking away. “Cass look at me babe.” Castiel turn his head to look into Dean’s eyes, that same soul-searching look.

 “Dean” Castiel said slowly, “I’m going to be alright, if that is what you are worried about.” Dean stood there helplessly as Castiel walked away.

* * *

 

An alarm clock flips from 5:59 to 6:00 and starts beeping. Castiel’s hand shuts it off. He fills up his coffee cup from his espresso machine. Castiel takes a sip from the cup, already dressed for work with his hair slicked down. Down in the street, Castiel crosses the street to a Lincoln Continental Mark V. He gets in and starts the car and drives off. As he reaches Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory he starts up with inventory and stocks. During lunch break, Castiel walks over to Robinson Park to have his lunch. He checks his phone. There is still no phone or message from Dean. It has been two weeks now. Last evening he met Charlie but did not talk about Dean. Actually he almost did not talk. If Charlie knew or felt something, she kept it to herself.

After Castiel’s shift was over he took the longer way home. He needed to think things through. It was he who suggested taking things slow but he did not mean this slow.  He definitely did not want this. Not seeing Dean, not talking to him, not updating him with every tinniest details- it was driving him crazy. Castiel turned on the car radio. He cannot stay alone with his thoughts anymore.

Jethro Tull was playing:

As the verses unfold and your soul suffers the long day,  
and the twelve o'clock gloom spins the room,  
you struggle on your way.  
Well, don't you sigh, don't you cry,  
lick the dust from your eye.  
  
Life's a long song.  
Life's a long song.  
Life's a long song.  
  
We will meet in the sweet light of dawn.  
  
As the Baker Street train spills your pain all over your new dress,  
and the symphony sounds underground put you under duress,  
well don't you squeal as the heel grinds you under the wheel.  
  
Life's a long song.  
Life's a long song.  
Life's a long song.  
  
But the tune ends too soon for us all.

Castiel turned off the radio. He picked up speed. He will not turn this into an ego issue anymore. Castiel is going to call Dean as soon as he gets home.

* * *

 

 As Castiel entered the Orchard Corners Apartments, the doorman informed him that someone was waiting for him in the Patio. This made Castiel nervous. He thought it could only be his family or worse…may be its Meg. He clenched and unclenched his fist and took off in the direction of the patio.

The figure standing in patio was leaning forward on the low fence overlooking the sparkling swimming pool. He was wearing multiple layers of clothing, consisting of a plain t-shirt, a plain flannel shirt and some kind of leather jacket with work-worn jeans, CAT boots.

Castiel heart twitched. He knew that posture and he recognised the mask. The figure straightens up, as if on cue and turns towards Castiel. They do not talk, they do not have to. They reach out for there hands simultaneously and their figure entwine. They stood like that for sometime. Castiel noticed Dean’s eyes tend to be more expressive and often show emotions he may not want to speak about. Dean noticed the tear marks on Castiel's check and then immerse into Castiel’s blue eyes. There he got the answer he was looking for and smiled.

“Dean… I…” Castiel started.

“No chick flick moment please.” interrupted Dean with his usual smirk. “Can we please take it inside and _not_ take it slow?”

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I specially want to thank Supernatural Wiki. Without them I would have been lost. thanks guys, keep up the good work.


	6. Your Body Is A Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well essentially porn. I do not know if it is good or not. I'm writing this for the first time. It was hot for me though.

That night Dean and Castiel did not talk much. They made a lot of noise but not much talking. Dean kept his promise; they did not take things slow.

Castiel led Dean to his apartment. All Castiel could do is to fumble with his keys while Dean nibbled the back of Castiel’s neck. Once they were finally inside the apartment Dean just shut the front door with his foot, not stopping his kissing Castiel's neck. Dean raised his head to kiss Castiel, his tongue moving vigorously around others. Dean wrapped his hand around the back of Castiel's head, pulling him closer and guiding him through it though it felt like Castiel did not need much guiding. The shorter man reached forward and placed a firm hand on Dean's jaw, the other hand trailing down the back and feeling the muscles tensing up there. Dean moaned lightly feeling Castiel’s hand feeling him. Dean's hands gently touched Castiel's skin, learning it and memorizing the feel as he went along, his arms holding Castiel in a strong embrace as they made-out. Castiel moaned softly into the kisses as they grew more needy and craving.

* * *

They were swiftly undressing and tossing the garments all over the floor. Dean took a moment to enjoy the view. Castiel’s body looked like as if it has been thoroughly photoshoped. It was perfect, even more due to the half hardened erection. Castiel whimpered as he felt heat of Dean’s stare on him. Dean immediately closed in on him and pushed Castiel on to the bed while kissing the exposed neck down to the nipples. Castiel spread his hand behind him to support him but once Dean nibbled one of nipples Castiel’s one hand went straight to Dean’s hair, pulling it; while the other was holding onto Dean’s hip. Castiel moaned quietly and bit Dean’s neck roughly, while Dean was gently sucking his nipple. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel’s already messy hair and grinned kissing his soft lips clumsily.

Castiel's hands reached down to the point where both their erection rubbing together. Castiel wrapped his hand around both their cocks earning a hiss and a groan from Dean. Castiel started moving his hand. Dean moaned loudly and gasped quietly noticeable to Castiel. Dean whispers against Castiel’s neck, so that Castiel would more likely feel his words than hear it. A "oh god Cas! Just fuck me!" burned against Castiel’s neck with passion. Castiel could just manage three words out of his mouth…

“Lube ...nightstand...there...”

Dean gave a curt nod and left Castiel to get the lube. It was difficult to leave the warmth of Castiel's body and Castiel whimpering made it more difficult.

Finally Dean was able to retrieve the lube and handed it to Castiel. Dean put lube on Castiel's fingers and urged him to enter him. Castiel looked more flushed as he inserted his fingers into Dean’s arse and earned a breathy moan from Dean. Castiel felt Dean is hungry for much more and Dean’s nail dug into his shoulder blade. So Castiel entered one finger first and quickly added the second. He looked up to see Dean biting down on his lips. A playful smile flashed on Castiel's face as he bent down to take Dean's erection in his mouth. This was too much for Dean to handle. Dean moaned loudly pulling Castiel's hair gently and howled, "Fuck me already." But Castiel had other ideas. He started licking the base of Dean's cock, first slowly, and then increasing the pace. Dean moaned louder and bit his lip harder. By then Castiel has introduced the third finger and Dean was quiet open. Dean gasped and his tightened nail down on Castiel's shoulder hard drawing blood.

That was all the thrust Castiel needed. He laid Dean down and slowly entered Dean. Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel's hip and dug his nails into Castiel's sides. Castiel groaned loudly and shove into Dean gently at first. Dean's cock hankered for attention and Castiel realised that. Dean is already dripping precome. Castiel took Dean’s erection into his own hands and met Dean’s eyes with a smirk. Dean licked his lips expectantly. Castiel grinned and worked his hand each time he shoves into Dean. Dean is torn between giving in and holding in just so that it lasts a little longer. He puts up his arms to reach Castiel's mouth. Castiel puts Dean's fingers in his own mouth and sucks them. Dean grunted loudly and thrusts his hips up wards. He didn't want to cum yet because it felt so good but Castiel was not giving him a choice, he knew what he was doing and he was good at it. Castiel draw himself out of Dean up till the tip of his cock and remained there. Dean whimpered (of course in a manly way). Castiel sneered at Dean and rammed the whole of his cock in one quick motion.

Dean groaned and dug his nails into Castiel’s side again. Dean moaned out cunning a few seconds after. But it was Castiel's turn to moan; now that Dean was fondling Castiel's balls with lick-wet fingers. Dean grinned and kissed Castiel. Castiel mumbled a "Dean...I am close, Dean." His words came out subdued as he threw back his head and jerked into orgasm. Dean moaned and smiled contentedly.

 

* * *

Yes, they did not talk much that night. Castiel collapsed beside Dean. They were now laid side by side facing each other. Castiel cupped Dean's face into his hands. Dean's eyes were green and gray and brown and yellow, all at the same time. Dean leaned in and kissed Castiel's crazy blue eyes. Dean face lit up with a quiet smile as he kissed Castiel’s bottom lip. Castiel leaned into the kiss, in his mind affirming, it was totally worth the wait. Closing the gap between them Castiel cuddled into Castiel’s chest. Dean for the first time in long time felt peace.

He kissed Castiel's neck and then ears, whispering,

"Don't ever change."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue or finish it here?

**Author's Note:**

> I'll stop writing if I don't have more kudos. at least double digits.


End file.
